Dinosaurs on a TARDIS Chapter One

Please note that this story is aligned more with the movie incarnations (however inaccurate) of the Jurassic Park characters.  This was almost solely for comedic purposes, so please bear with me.




“I don’t understand!”  the Little Doctor wailed confusedly, raking his small hands through his ginger hair.  “The current year is clearly 1999, but my scans are picking up life forms from the Jurassic period!”

“JURASSIC PERIOD?!”  Tyler Jonesmith repeated several volumes louder, getting angry stares from Grace the Time Lady and Cece Ryder, the only other companions who weren’t tied up with school at the time.  (Tyler was playing hooky, you see….)

Jack Harkness’s eyes widened excitedly.  “You mean there are really dinosaurs outside?”

“Why don’t you stick your head outside and see?”  Cece suggested snidely.

“That was uncalled for,” Grace admonished quietly.  Cece just shrugged.

“We’ll all go outside,” declared the Doctor, taking out a large handful of TARDIS keys from a hidden compartment in the dashboard.  “I’m pretty sure nothing will notice us with these on.”

“What do you mean by nothing?”  Cece whispered nervously.

“The dinosaurs,” Jack and Tyler both said in eery voices, waving their hands around as though they had six-inch claws, ready to slash some hapless creature across the stomach….

“Oh, shut up!”  Grace snapped, although she would later admit she too found the look on Cece’s face to be a little more than slightly amusing.

Outside, the TARDIS crew stood in a large clearing.  The jungle behind them hummed with the sounds of life.  Life that had found a way under most unusual circumstances.

In the distance, a long-necked creature slowly ate its fill from a tall, leafy tree.  It didn’t seem to be at all interested in its small, human observers.

“Wow,” Cece sighed in amazement.  “That thing’s huge, and it’s not at all dangerous!”

“Size matters not,” the Doctor intoned, “as an old mentor of mine once said.”  (At this, Tyler, Cece, Grace, and Jack gave him incredibly skeptical looks.)  “That thing’s a Bracheosaurus,” he continued, gesturing at the big creature with a look of utter admiration on his freckled face.

“But Doctor,” Grace interjected, “we still don’t know what it’s doing here if the year’s 1999….”

“To party, of course!”  Jack exclaimed, pressing a button on his vortex manipulator so it started playing a song about partying like the year was, indeed, 1999.  His dance moves stank, as usual.  He began moonwalking backwards until he heard a loud CRUNCH! under his feet.

“What was that?”  Cece demanded.

Jack held up what was left of a decomposing (and now quite broken) wooden sign.  It was black and red, with the words Jurassic Park written across the middle in very fancy lettering.

“No way,” Grace muttered in disbelief.  “I thought Jurassic Park was the stuff of legend!”

“Well, now we know it isn’t,” the Doctor replied.  “We’d better get out of here before the–”

A loud roar that sounded like a mix between a dying cow, a bullhorn, and Chewbacca the Wookiee throwing a temper tantrum resonated throughout the trees, and the ground began vibrating with the sound of really, really, really heavy footsteps.  A Tyrannosaurus Rex stomped into view, just barely missing the TARDIS and its petrified crew with its massive feet.

“I don’t care if it can’t see us,” Jack declared earnestly, “but I want to get out of here right now.”  He ran into the TARDIS as quickly as he could, now walking like he was back on Earth instead of the moon.  The rest of the gang were quick to follow him.

“Jurassic Park….”  the Doctor muttered, setting some coordinates.  “If that’s real, then it’s quite possible that the people involved are too….”


“Chaos at Its Worst”

“But I don’t want to go to summer camp!”  Kelly Malcolm whined, attempting one last time to empty her carefully packed duffel bag all over the living room floor.  Plan A, which involved a calm discussion on why summer camp was going to be a waste of her time, had failed, so she was resorting to Plan B, which involved throwing a tantrum worse than a Wookiee.

“Kelly,” Dr. Ian Malcolm pleaded, “the bus is outside, you were all packed a moment ago, and I’m just about ready to lose it, so you’d better be on that bus before it leaves the block.”

Kelly just shook her head.

Within seconds, the bus took off at a startling speed.

“And now the bus is gone!”  Malcolm facepalmed.  He took Kelly by the hand, something he hadn’t done since … had he ever held her hand back when she was learning to walk?  He didn’t even remember.  “Come on, we’re going to try and catch up with the darned thing.”

Kelly shook her head, eyeing the window facing the street in horror.  “Dad? Look.  Out there.”

“Why?”  Malcolm retorted skeptically.  “So you can run off when I’m not watching you?”  Still, he turned around, and, realizing that the girl was telling the truth, muttered something he hoped her mother would never know he’d said in front of Kelly.

Pterodactyls — flying dinos — were on the loose, and he’d just seen a whole flock of them chasing after Kelly’s bus.  Although he wouldn’t admit it, he was somewhat relieved that she hadn’t listened to him this time either.  Poor kids….

“Kelly,” he said desperately, grasping the girl by her shoulders, “I need you to stay right here.  Watch TV, eat junk food, do anything you want, just don’t leave.

“Wow, you’re singing a completely different tune!”  Kelly quipped.  “But where are you going?”

“To notify John Hammond that his island has become a problem again.”

Malcolm hurried out to the driveway, where his recently repaired red sports car sat, unused.  He climbed into the driver’s seat and was about to start the ignition when a blue minivan pulled up, completely barring his way.

The doors opened and two kids jumped out.  His kids.  Marion and Willy Malcolm.

“A Regular Doctor”

“I’m positive I’ve read all about this in a book,” Cece insisted as they sat in the TARDIS, catching their breath.

“And what was the book called?”  Tyler asked half-seriously.

Jurassic Park!

Everyone just laughed.

“Enough bickering,” the Doctor ordered.  “You’re giving me a headache!”

The TARDIS made its signature whooping sound as they arrived at their destination: San Diego, California in the same year.

“Just make sure we stay out of San Francisco,” the Doctor warned as they filed out.

“Why?”  Jack asked, pouting.

“I don’t want to cause any paradoxes.”

Everyone nodded knowingly.  Paradoxes were ultimately evil.

“So, where are we going now?”  Cece asked, taking in her surroundings.  It was warm and sunny, so much warmer than on the East Coast.  She began wondering, self-consciously, if she was sweating too much.

“A doctor’s house,” the Doctor replied.

“A Time Lord?”  Grace asked hopefully.

“Nope, just a regular doctor.  Everyone back inside — I can’t stand this heat!”


“Is this why you wanted me to go away?”  Kelly demanded when Malcolm re-entered the house with two other children.  “You didn’t want me to see them?

Malcolm just stammered while the two other children stared stared at him.

“I didn’t even know they’d both be here,” he insisted.  He glanced down at them.  “How did you get here anyway?”

“Our moms both go to this group thing,” the dark-haired girl — Marion — explained in a bored voice.  She looked like she was about fifteen.  “My mom gave him a ride for the heck of it.”  She jerked her thumb in Willy’s direction.

“You’re not going to have a fight, are you?”  Willy asked in a whisper.  He looked like he was around eight or nine, which made him the youngest of the three.

“Not if I can help it,” Malcolm replied tersely.  He looked like he was going to be part of some sort of fight anyhow.

“I don’t even wanna be here,” Marion said grumpily, crossing her arms across her chest and plopping down on the worn out living room couch.

“Neither do I,” Willy added, sitting down next to her.

“I do,” Kelly pouted.

“Well, we’re all going to be here until we can work something out,” Malcolm interrupted gruffly.  He wanted to get out so badly.  With all the excitement of his unpredicted arrivals, he’d completely forgotten why he needed to leave.

He stalked off to his tiny, cramped kitchen.  The sink was full of dirty dishes (Kelly was supposed to wash them) and the stove top was piled high with cookware and … candy wrappers.  And all he wanted was a glass of water to soothe his nerves!

From behind him, his acute hearing picked up an unusual, unfamiliar, and inherently unpredicted sound.

Malcolm whirled around to see … a wooden, blue police box?

A little boy with red hair, a green, argyle sweater, and gray knickers stepped out of it, followed by four other people.  (How did they all fit?)

“You’re Ian Malcolm, right?”  the boy inquired in an English accent.

Malcolm did a double take.  “You’re not … someone I don’t know about, are you?”

“Nope, I’m the Doctor.”

“You’re the WHAT?!”

“He ought to do this more often,” the man in the greatcoat stage-whispered to a pretty auburn-haired girl.  “They react hilariously enough when they see the inside of the TARDIS, but this is just precious….

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