Posted in Absurdity, Adventure, Doctor Who, Fanfiction, Figgies in the TARDIS, Humor, Novels, Satire, Science Fiction, Written Works

Figgies Take the TARDIS

An unfinished work featuring the Figgies, the Third Doctor, the Brigadier, and Sarah Jane.

Figgies Take the TARDIS

(by Allison Rose)

Chapter One

“Where’s the Doctor?”  Cece Ryder asked incredulously, looking around the TARDIS control room uncertainly.  That tweed-wearing, flippy-haired, bowtie-adoring Time Lord whom she’d been accompanying for the last few months was nowhere to be seen.

“I don’t know,” Emii Wells replied.  “He hadn’t mentioned anything about going anywhere yesterday.”

Skye Falconer eyed the dashboard mischievously.  “Do you suppose he’s hiding in there?”  She was dying to crack it open and see what was hiding inside.

“Yeah!”  Tyler Jonesmith agreed, reading her thoughts almost exactly.  “I’m dying to crack it open and see what’s hiding inside!”

Emii, and Cece shook their heads vehemently.  The last time someone had tried to do that, the results had been disastrous.  Or so the Doctor in question claimed.

“Look,” Hannah suggested diplomatically, “I’m pretty sure he just went out shopping with the rest of the gang.”

It did seem plausible; Grace, Scarlett, Emory, Hailey, Athena, and Claire had all gone out to the mall to hang out, buy nail polish and do other girly things (although Scarlett had probably gone to the hardware store instead).  Jack was meeting some friends of his, too.  Rhiannon, his daughter, was visiting Gwen Cooper and her family in Wales.  And the Doctor, as noted, wasn’t around for whatever reason, so, in conclusion, they were all alone in the TARDIS.

“Hey, I have an idea,” Cece said, sitting back on one of the worn out chairs by the dashboard.  “Why don’t we go somewhere ourselves?”

The other Figgies looked aghast.  Never had they envisioned going anywhere in the TARDIS without the Doctor!  But … they figured they could be persuaded.

“Let’s do it,” Tyler chipped in.  “You do have a sonic, right?”

Cece took her sonic chapstick out of her pocket.  “Yup.  You should’ve seen the look on Jack’s face when he asked to borrow this one cold winter morning!”

Hannah giggled at the thought.  “So where do we go?”

“The Titanic,” Emii volunteered.

“I’ve got a better idea,” Skye suggested.  “Let’s go see Gallifrey before it was destroyed!”

Cece rolled her eyes.  “Trust me, one Time Lord is enough.”  She pushed some buttons, having only an inkling of an idea of what she was doing.  “I’m hopefully setting this thing to take us somewhere random.  That way we’ll all be surprised!”

The others nodded eagerly.

“Hold on tight!”  Cece crowed as they were thrown right and left as the TARDIS took a bumpy ride through the vortex.  If River Song had been there, she might have suggested taking off the brakes, but alas, she was not.

A few minutes later, the shaking stopped, and the makeshift TARDIS crew stepped out.  It appeared they were in a hangar of sorts with a hard concrete floor and dull, gray walls.

“Where are we?”  Emii asked, looking around.  “Surely we aren’t in the storage hold of the Titanic.”

As if to answer the question on everyone’s minds, a bunch of uniformed guards burst seemingly out of nowhere, guns drawn.  They surrounded the Figgies.

“Hands up!”  one officer barked.  The symbol on his uniform clearly stated that he worked for UNIT.

“Uh-oh,” Cece muttered as she held her hands up.

“Maybe Martha will straighten this out,” Tyler whispered.

“Martha doesn’t work with UNIT anymore,” Emii informed him.  “The Doctor said so.”

Before they could say anymore, a dark-haired man with a mustache strode in, followed by two very familiar people.  “What in blazes is this?!”  he demanded, gesturing at the TARDIS.  “Doctor,” he continued, his words directed at the white-haired man in the smoking jacket, “isn’t your TARDIS in the next room?”

“It is,” the brown-haired teen at his side insisted, looking over her shoulder.  “Doctor, what’s going on?”

Doctor?”  the Figgies repeated, incredulously.

“Yes,” the white-haired man replied.  “I am the Doctor.  Need I recite an explanation in prose?”*

Cece recalled that ridiculous poem he’d claimed to have written and read aloud in an attempt to provide in-flight entertainment.  “No, you don’t, but … you can’t be the Doctor!”

Skye nudged Cece discreetly.  “Um, Cece, I think this must be one of his younger incarnations.”

“Younger?”  the Doctor repeated curiously.  “You mean you’re from my future?”

Cece nodded silently, her eyes bugging out in surprise.  Tyler couldn’t help but laugh because the look on her face was just so comical!

The mustachioed man grew impatient.  “I am growing impatient,” he announced impatiently.

“There, there, Brigadier,” the Doctor said patiently.  “These young people seem to have had quite a shock, traveling through all of time and space in my machine, only to find me from their past.”

“But they could be a hoax,” the Brigadier insisted.  “Why would they have another one your machines?”

“There’s only one phone box TARDIS,” the Doctor replied wisely.  “As to why mine and theirs haven’t merged must have something to do with the polarity of the neutron flow.”

Now, the Brigadier looked positively flummoxed.  “If this TARDIS is, as you say, a future version of your TARDIS, then where is the future version of you?”

Sarah Jane crossed her arms.  “He does have a point.”  She eyed the Figgies suspiciously.  “I don’t trust them,” she pouted.

The Doctor ignored them both.  “I’m sure I had my reasons.  Come now, children, Brigadier, Sarah Jane.  Let us show our new arrivals what we’ve been working on.”

The Brigadier frowned.  “Alright, but I want them under constant watch.”  He signaled for the armed troops to keep following them.

“Hey Cece,” Skye whispered as they were escorted away, “this Brigadier fellow is really asking to be pranked.”

“And so is Sarah Jane,” Cece, Emii, and Tyler replied in unison.  But at least the Doctor seemed to be on their side.

___________

*Reference to Jon Pertwee’s “song.”


Chapter Two

“All I did was … reverse the polarity of this stupid thing!”  the Doctor muttered from behind his welding mask.  “Why did that happen?”

That which happened was the feeling that the TARDIS had just moved, although the Doctor had no idea that it actually had.

He sat in front of the Eye of Harmony, trying to repair a small breach that had been caused by someone using the four staffs for a game of ring toss (or perhaps frying pan toss).  Evidently, this someone had missed and hit the eyelid itself, making it extremely dangerous.  It was a good thing it hadn’t opened, because this particular someone, judging by the ponytail ring with the long, auburn-colored hairs on it that they had left behind, was obviously 100% human.  (Time lords have much better aims.)

The Doctor had been working since the wee hours of the morning, and hadn’t come out once for even a Jammie-Dodger or a cup of tea.  This was serious stuff, so serious that he’d lost track of time, which usually doesn’t happen to a time expert.

* * * *

“Brigadier, look at this!”  Sarah Jane exclaimed, pointing at a funny-looking blip on the radar screen.

The Brigadier came over.  “That is strange,” he replied, stroking his mustache perplexedly.  “Doctor, is that one of your experiments?”

The older Doctor sauntered over to the screen as well.  “No, I’m afraid not.”  He ran his sonic screwdriver across the monitor.  “Oh dear….  It is alien.”

“It could be a bomb!”  Sarah Jane exclaimed again.  She gripped the Doctor’s arm tightly.  “What if we all die?!”

“Well, we must put a stop to it before it has a chance,” the Doctor replied, pocketing his screwdriver and hurrying to the roof of the building.

Meanwhile, on the roof….

“Are you sure that’s enough baking soda for it to fly?”  Cece asked uncertainly.

“I’m sure,” Tyler replied.  “But I’ll add some more just in case.”  He proceeded to dump the whole box into the bottom of the plastic toy rocket.

Emii took the vinegar out of her bag and added some as well.  “They won’t know what hit ’em when this thing goes off!”  She chuckled mischievously.

Skye cackled like a mad scientist.  “I can’t wait to see the looks on their fac—”  She jumped backwards as the rocket exploded in their faces, spraying foamy baking soda and smelly vinegar everywhere, just as the Brigadier, Sarah Jane, and the Doctor stormed up to the rooftop.

“I think they’re enjoying the looks on ours better,” Cece muttered, wiping the foam from her face.

“We need a better plan,” Skye grumbled.

“Your only plans now are to spend the rest of your time here in quarantine!”  the Brigadier snapped as Sarah looked smugly at them.

“Impudent little children,” she scolded.

“I suppose she always sounded like an old lady,” Emii whispered to Tyler.  “Even when she was young.”

Tyler just shrugged.


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I'm an artist of multiple mediums, from creative writing to cosplay.

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