(At least, I think they’re metaphors. Metaphors include similes. I’m probably wrong.)
These are some rather humorous phrases I’ve seen floating around the web. Many of them are so full on non-sequitors that any moderately sane writer wouldn’t apply; and, as a result, are just downright hilarious to read. I’ll admit I’d love to use some of these in my own writings (specifically the humorous works, not school papers).
- He was as tall as a 6’3″ tree.
- From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
- He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
- Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
- The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
- McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
- Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
- The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
- He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
- Even in his last years, Grand pappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
- She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
- The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
- The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
- The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
- The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
- They were as good friends as the people on Friends.
- The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.
- The sardines were packed as tight as the coach section of a 747.
- You know how in Rocky he prepares for the fight by punching sides of raw beef? Well, yesterday it was as cold as that meat locker he was in.
- The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 10 percent cyan, 10 percent magenta, 60 percent yellow and 10 percent black.
So here’s a belated weekly writer’s prompt:
Prompt – What sort of crazy metaphors can you come up with? Try to include one in a story, or share it below in the comments. (Just make sure it stays G-rated, otherwise I won’t let it through.)