Posted in Miscelaneous Musings, The Writing Life, Writing Prompts

Some Unusual Metaphors + Writer’s Prompt #6

(At least, I think they’re metaphors.  Metaphors include similes.  I’m probably wrong.)

These are some rather humorous phrases I’ve seen floating around the web.  Many of them are so full on non-sequitors that any moderately sane writer wouldn’t apply; and, as a result, are just downright hilarious to read.  I’ll admit I’d love to use some of these in my own writings (specifically the humorous works, not school papers).

  1. He was as tall as a 6’3″ tree.
  2. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
  3. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
  4. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
  5. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
  6. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
  7. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
  8. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
  9. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
  10. Even in his last years, Grand pappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
  11. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
  12. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
  13. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
  14. The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
  15. The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
  16. They were as good friends as the people on Friends.
  17. The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.
  18. The sardines were packed as tight as the coach section of a 747.
  19. You know how in Rocky he prepares for the fight by punching sides of raw beef? Well, yesterday it was as cold as that meat locker he was in.
  20. The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 10 percent cyan, 10 percent magenta, 60 percent yellow and 10 percent black.

So here’s a belated weekly writer’s prompt:

Prompt – What sort of crazy metaphors can you come up with?  Try to include one in a story, or share it below in the comments.  (Just make sure it stays G-rated, otherwise I won’t let it through.)

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Posted in Miscelaneous Musings, The Writing Life

Writing Goals (for Now)

I’ve published a book and released it to the public for the first time, but is that an excuse to sit back and be lazy this summer?  In the immortal words of Luke Skywalker….

No!
“No!”

You said it, kid.  I’m Allison the Writer, after all.  How could I not write?

I mentioned some time before in a state of serious writer’s block that I was hoping to be more active as a writer during the summer.  (And then I had a breakthrough with my novelette in the last half of the school year. 😛  The best things happen when you least expect them to.)  Here’s what I’m hoping to accomplish as a writer this summer:

Main goals:

  1. Work on a new full-length children’s novel I haven’t discussed before on this blog.  It may or may not involve spies.
  2. Research cool time periods in history for Adventures with My Time-Traveling Uncle.  (Currently considering: assassination of John Lennon in 1980, ancient Mayans, and the Boston Tea Party, and the French Revolution.)
  3. Lead a multiwriter story project for a Doctor Who fan group I administrate.

Side goals (aka the ones I don’t really know if I’m going to do at all):

  1. Edit Secrets in Seaport one last time due to some minor typos that were brought to my attention only now.
  2. Make Secrets in Seaport available in eBook format(s).  (I’d make the aforementioned edits before doing so.)
  3. Participate in Camp NaNoWriMo.

I have no idea how many of these goals I’ll actually meet, but I can hope, right? 🙂

Posted in Miscelaneous Musings

Young Writers Society = Awesome

Not too long ago, I discovered a site called Young Writers Society.  Run by a man named Nate and a doting team of moderators, it is a fantastic platform for teens to post and share their writings and grow as writers through peer review.  I’ve been a member there for a few months now, participated in some of the sitewide activities, and am really enjoying my time there.

One of the things I really like about this site is its content rating system for posted stories.  At the discretion of the writer, one is able to mark their writings in regards to the contents inside, as well as the age of the intended audience.  A story with language and violence suitable for (ideally) people over sixteen is clearly marked as such.  Same with a story with violence that is (ideally) only suitable for someone over twelve would be able to stomach, or a story with mature content suitable for people over eighteen.  A story intended for all ages is clearly marked as “E” for “Everyone,” like on a computer game — and fortunately, there are plenty of those. 🙂  Most of the time, I’m able to know what exactly I’m getting into content-wise when I start reading something there on account of this handy legend and there’s less of a risk of stumbling upon things I’d prefer not to see.

Overall, I’m really impressed by this site.  It’s run quite responsibly, the staff members are helpful and responsive, and the community is super-friendly.  If you’re a young writer who’s serious about honing your skill and you’re looking to interact with intelligent, likeminded individuals in the process, I really do recommend giving this site a try.

 

P.S. Have you seen this poster anywhere? Continue reading “Young Writers Society = Awesome”

Posted in Doctor Who, Fanfiction, Figgies in the TARDIS, Flash Fiction, Satire, Short Stories

“Stuck in an Elevator”

I mentioned earlier that a Figment user has been sharing her daily writing prompts with us.  Today, I was inspired to write a short piece based on her latest prompt: Put two people who hate each other in an elevator for 12 hours. What happens?

Naturally, it had to be about Cece and Jack. 😉  Enjoy the fireworks!


 

I stepped inside the elevator, feeling self-conscious in front of the mirrored walls.  I tried not to stare at the sole other occupant, a strange fellow in a navy trench coat and hat.  He was all too familiar; if I was lucky, he wouldn’t feel the same way about me.

“Captain Jack Harkness,” he said in an oily voice, extending his hand to shake.  “Who might you be?”

Yup, in his timeline, he didn’t know me yet.

I decided to ignore him.  That was the best thing to do.  The last thing I wanted to do was disrupt the time stream.  The second-to-last, have to talk to the most annoying man in the world.  Somehow, I couldn’t picture him being the posterchild for his town as a boy; what about him appealed to them?  If Jack Harkness told me to move to a place, I’d go anywhere but there.  And I wanted to be anywhere but this elevator.

The elevator began its slow descent down to the ground floor.  Chin up, Ryder, I told myself.  You’ll be at the parking garage with Bessie and the Doctor in no time.

When you’re in the vicinity of Jack Harkness, expect the unexpected.  Naturally, the unexpected happened: the elevator froze.  Literally.

Judging by the sound of the Norwegian-accented voices that started singing “Let it Go” as the temperature started to drop, those weren’t Idina Menzel and Demi Lovato behind the mic — or the controls.  It had to be Ylvis.  They’re infamous for pranking elevator passengers.  At least they weren’t singing “What Does the Fox Say?”

“Well,” said Jack, eyeing his own reflection in the mirror, “I guess this means we’re stuck in here.  All alone.  With no one else to talk to.”

I slumped against the hand rail, groaning.  Here I was, stuck in an elevator for who knows how long, accompanied by none other than–

“I don’t suppose you’ll tell me your name now, will you?  Otherwise, I’ll just make one up and call you that.”

–Captain Jack Harkness.

“Is ‘Rose’ okay with you?”

Posted in Miscelaneous Musings, The Writing Life, Writing Prompts

Writing Prompt #5 – The Edge

In a Figment writing group where I’ve been fairly active, a user has been posting some daily writing prompts.  They’re a lot of fun, and they usually begin with a couple of words.  Instead of giving you a vague prompt to do this week, I’m going to do something more in this new style.

Prompt:  Write something — anything — beginning with, I stood at the edge of

Posted in Miscelaneous Musings, The Writing Life

Allison the … Narrator?

Today, I was reading a children’s book out loud for the fun of it.  The book was Be a Perfect Person in Three Days by Stephen Manes.  It chronicles the misadventure of a young boy named Milo Crinkley, who discovers a book of the same name as Manes’ book in his library and reads it in an attempt to perfect himself.  This fictional book within the real book, penned by an unusual fellow named Dr. K. Pinkerton Silverfish, presents some highly unusual challenges for the aspiring perfectionist, including wearing a broccoli around one’s neck and going without food for exactly twenty-four hours.  Hilarity ensues.

Weighing in a seventy-six pages, Be a Perfect Person was a nice, quick read.  I ended up doing a wide array of voices for the character dialogue at the request of my “audience.”  That array included making Milo’s dad talk like Biff Tannen, Milo’s mom talk like a Vala from Stargate, and Dr. Silverfish like Mike Nesmith.  (Don’t ask and please don’t judge!)  Apparently, I did a good job with the  voices.  The important thing is that it was effectively entertaining to my “audience” — oh, and I had fun in the process too. 🙂

This got me thinking, what if I were to do an audiobook of my own story, where I narrated everything myself?  How hard could that possibly be? Continue reading “Allison the … Narrator?”