Some Unusual Metaphors + Writer’s Prompt #6

(At least, I think they’re metaphors.  Metaphors include similes.  I’m probably wrong.)

These are some rather humorous phrases I’ve seen floating around the web.  Many of them are so full on non-sequitors that any moderately sane writer wouldn’t apply; and, as a result, are just downright hilarious to read.  I’ll admit I’d love to use some of these in my own writings (specifically the humorous works, not school papers).

1. He was as tall as a 6’3″ tree.
2. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
3. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
4. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
5. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.
6. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
7. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
8. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
9. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
10. Even in his last years, Grand pappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
11. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
12. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
13. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
14. The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
15. The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
16. They were as good friends as the people on Friends.
17. The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.
18. The sardines were packed as tight as the coach section of a 747.
19. You know how in Rocky he prepares for the fight by punching sides of raw beef? Well, yesterday it was as cold as that meat locker he was in.
20. The sunset displayed rich, spectacular hues like a .jpeg file at 10 percent cyan, 10 percent magenta, 60 percent yellow and 10 percent black.

So here’s a belated weekly writer’s prompt:

Prompt – What sort of crazy metaphors can you come up with?  Try to include one in a story, or share it below in the comments.  (Just make sure it stays G-rated, otherwise I won’t let it through.)

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