Flora Dennis, Chapter Three fragment

I was almost not going to post anything with regards to our friend Flora this month, because I didn’t meet my goal of finishing a whole chapter.  But at the encouragement of a dear friend and beta-reader, I figured I’d share the fragment of Chapter Three that I did manage to write…. 🙂

(This has not yet appeared on Lisa’s site – I’ll add it when the chapter is complete – so this is an Allison the Writer exclusive!)

Chapter III

In which Amaranth wants everybody’s money.

 He wore a fine twill suit, high boots, and a pith helmet to match.  He also leaned on a walking stick of shiny, polished wood; already, its tip was marred with much of the local dust and grime.  And wordlessly holding a parasol over his master’s head was Andreas, the valet.

Amaranth turned to face the French-Englishman.  “Superior?”  he repeated.

Lord Valjean-Allerdyce nodded smugly.  “Whatever this lady has just offered you,” he purred, “I will pay you double, even triple.  It has just become imperative that I secure transport to the Island of Two Eyes.”

Amaranth’s beady eyes lit up with greed.

“Now hold it there one darned right second,” Millet exclaimed, laying a scrawny hand on Amaranth’s shoulder.  “That ain’t fair!”

Amaranth glared balefully at the American, but Millet took no notice.

“We made these ladies here a promise to take them to this Island of Two Eyes.  I say we keep it!”

Freekeh spoke up then, in his clipped, peculiar way.  “It is the honorable thing to do.  After all, we are still coming to the same destination.”

Lord Daniel Valjean-Allerdyce opened his mouth in protest, but Amaranth, oblivious, spoke first:

“We go,” said he tersely.  “All.”


My thoughts so far, as I’m writing this story, are:

  1. Lately, Flora is kind of playing Watson to Anna Montvale’s Holmes.  I’m going to need to change that, because this is Flora Dennis and the Island of Two Eyes, not Anna Montvale, etc.
  2. Is Ella really such an important character to this?  I initially intended for Ellie to be Flora’s wise sidekick, not for Flora to be Anna’s sidekick.  Does a sidekick’s sidekick really make sense? (See previous point about Flora being Anna’s sidekick.)
  3. I’m wondering if Ella should be retconned out of the story.  I really wanted to have a “forget social class, don’t ignore ‘the help’ because they’re people too’ thing going, but I’m not sure that dynamic fits in this story.  The last thing I want to do is bloat this work with too many characters.

With holidays and Camp NaNoWriMo (and NaPo[etry]WriMo) fast-approaching, I will likely not continue Flora’s adventure over the month of April.  However, after that, I should be able to get back into the swing of things and make sure Flora, Miss Anna Montvale, and even Lord Daniel Valjean-Allerdyce get their money’s worth as they travel to the Island of Two Eyes with Amaranth and company….

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